Warning: This piece is not about balls but arseholes. The title is very deceptive and misleading and we apologise for that. Deeply.
Cat: Fuck, how do we stop it?
Bex: Bring them down a peg or two.
Cat: Bring out the nipple clips and electrocute!
Bex: That’s not going to be enough.
Cat: Tell them to go fuck themselves.
Bex: No that won’t work either because they’d only be too happy to oblige.
Cat: What do we do Bex? How do people turn into adults without knowing what complete and utter arseholes they are?
Bex: I don’t think they know that they are. Even if they are told, they don’t believe it. I put it down to mollycoddling. They get away with a lot.
Cat: I think they know they are arseholes and I am pretty sure they think it’s fucking endearing.
Bex: They’ve been told their whole lives how great they are. People have been falsely feeding them a shit load of praise.
Cat: Well that’s because arseholes are so unpleasant to be around. Giving in, just shuts them the hell up!
Bex: See, that’s why they get away with it and the arsehole snow ball affect happens.
Cat: The only reason they get away with arsehole behaviour is they are very fucking unpleasant to be around. No-one wants to deal with them. People only give in to shut them up! Isn’t that why we have all these arseholes in the first place?
Bex: OMG – we created arseholes!
Cat: Why did we do that?
Bex: We are arseholes because we made arseholes.
Cat: No other explanation makes sense. There’s no point telling these arseholes they are arseholes when we made them like that.
Bex: I think we need to stop saying “them” and say “US.” We are the arseholes for allowing them to be arseholes which means we are arseholes by default.
Cat: Aren’t we just blaming ourselves for them being arseholes?
Bex: I think that’s far too many arseholes.
Cat: Bex, if I don’t agree with you, are you going to be an arsehole to me?
Bex: Of course! What are friends for?
Cat: You’re an arsehole.