Self-Love is a Sensible Option


Self-Love is a Sensible Option


I identify myself as many things but for the purpose of this article and in order to be as transparent and succinct in my communication with a key concept as much as I can be, I identify strongly as a self-love enthusiast/advocate.

This means that I prefer to love myself and be kind to myself more than I will allow other people to act towards me in ways which do not demonstrate that they care, are kind and/or love me.

I wrote this article to further build upon and explore an enormously vast and infinite topic, that of love, with an emphasis on the self.

Self-love is simply defined as having regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.

Looking after our own well-being and our own happiness is paramount. If nothing else, it is worth stating that it is mandatory for our own survival.

Caring about our own well-being and happiness might include looking after our health, drinking plenty of water, eating nutritious food, we all know what that is; fruit and vegetables, nuts, legumes, chicken, fish, red meats on occasion and/or whatever the vegetarian equivalent to all that is. Processed food is not ideal but has become such a culturally integrated part of the Western diet it can be very challenging to avoid altogether.

I am not able to comfortably attest to and swear that I adhere to nutritious eating in a strict fundamentalist sense, but I am at peace with myself. I write this article with considerable comfort and feel my entire being at one with the universe. “As long as I have awareness I am evolved,” is my mantra for today.

Self-love incorporates and is married to self-care.

Having a roof over our heads and managing our finances as best as we can, so that we do have a roof over our heads and can buy our Corona’s, diamonds, Lamborghini’s, medicine, food, gym memberships, Alexander Technique classes, tattoos, colonic irrigation treatments, butt lifts, boob enhancers, Japanese latex sex dolls, and anything else that our hearts and whatever is in our boxers or panties desires, all of that, can demonstrate self-care.

Self-care is honouring ourselves and ensuring that other people, even those we love, understand what kind of things we like, don’t like, and how it is we would like to be treated.

The entire point of this activity, engaging with others through discussion, is that by communicating what we like to others, we are not accusing them of being monsters, or cold bitches and bastards who have no hearts or are narcissists, we are merely clarifying what our preference is; what it is that most appeals to us or turns us on. We don’t all like the same things and that is worth thinking about whenever we make an assumption about other people.

It can sometimes be very difficult to communicate in a lovely manner what does not turn us on, especially when it is happening on the spot.

Sometimes we can communicate those expectations we have or things we desire or want more of in a manner which is not gentle, sensitive to others feelings, or soothing enough to people’s eyes, ears, throats and whatever other orifice we are appealing to. Perhaps we are even communicating that we do not want to investigate or appeal to anyone’s orifice or perhaps we might be communicating that we do or we think we might! The plot thickens.

Misunderstandings or miscommunications can oftentimes happen when we have not previously disclosed that we don’t like something or that we do like something. It can be that it didn’t even matter at a particular time then but it matters to us now.

One example I will give that is perhaps more prevalent and common in our hook-up culture can be found in the ‘booty call’ situation.

Some of us might have engaged in one of these contemporary dances, otherwise also known to many as no-strings attached sexy dalliances, and found we were happy with the arrangement as a one-off experience. Maybe we were not happy with it as a one-off experience or even started the mission but aborted it for whatever reason.

Maybe we could have loved the experience but the other person did not want to commit to an on-going arrangement.

We might think it necessary to find someone else to meet our needs. It is possible the previous original booty-call participant who was indisposed is now on board.

Human interactions are not without tension and imperfections, not if those interactions are real.  As ‘they’ say, truth can oftentimes be stranger than fiction.

Life is not like a box of chocolates because we already know what is in the box as we can read the ingredients and from that, as well as a picture and a description of the flavour, we can pretty much figure out what to expect. We might not like some flavours and can choose others instead but we know what is in those box of chocolates to begin with.

When dealing with people, we are not dealing with mass produced products or goods because people are not chocolates.

For instance, we cannot always rely upon what people say or communicate to us. Not always. Communication can be incomplete or too general or perhaps it may even be too specific to our liking.

Sometimes we ourselves do not communicate as brilliantly as we should so how can we expect others too?

The short answer to that question is that we cannot.

Self-love is therefore a critical process which also involves self-reflection and self-reflection involves communicating with ourselves.

We can all investigate and get in touch with what it is we want and what it is we don’t want.

This process can then, in turn, inform us about who we really are and what we would be willing and not willing to do for others without infringing on ourselves. 

It is then just merely a matter of communicating those reflections of what we consider to be acts or gestures or expressions of self-love, what it is that turns us on, to others, who can give us, if they so choose, extra lashings of whatever it is that rocks or floats our boat.

In closing, we can be better at giving love to others when we are willing to self-reflect and by self-reflecting, we are deepening our own awareness of ourselves which is an act of self-love. When we know what we like and don’t like, we can communicate those findings to others and potentially be able to give and receive love with greater purpose and clarity.


Natasha Stone

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