Nothing compares to the feeling of starting what was already written, again, from scratch.
I have 3 hours to deliver an article I had 24 hours to prepare for. I set this scene of what I had anticipated to be a pretty straight forward, stock standard activity – produce an article in writing, to share with the universe, and perform this task within a time frame of 24 hours. And now I am starting from scratch. What happened?
I had written the article and put it away at 4 am as I was veering deeply into the land of obscurity. “Get some sleep and revise it later,” I told myself, only when I woke up I discovered that I could not find the article.
I wish I was staging some elaborate Middle-Eastern hoax but this is PIZAZZ NEWS, “Pizazz News, it’s not fake news its real news”, in case people were wondering what Pizazz News is.
I looked for the damn thing and I couldn’t find it. The actual culprit was Microsoft Outlook, but who wants to hear about technical issues unless they are getting generously/not so generously paid to listen to customer complaints?
Onwards Natasha Stone, 3 hours (less now) isn’t enough time to manifest a non gender confused, mysteriously sexy and ethical representative of a corporation like Microsoft (it is Microsoft) to arrive at my legal place of residence, buzz the intercom, and enthusiastically INSIST on solving my (their) technical issues.
What I had been writing about previously had to do with the PIZAZZ NEWS OBJECTIVE. I wrote this objective last year and here it is as follows:
“I have started this project with one goal in mind and that is to increase, support, and spread Positive Thinking. Like a virus – a happy virus. So you have been warned! Anything else, like rubbishing positivity or ‘success shaming’ is completely unproductive and counter intuitive to what I am pursuing. It doesn’t serve me or anyone else to wallow in my self-pity or spread my negative vibes – and guess what? The same applies to you!!!” Vol 1, Issue 1, Pizazz News 21 May 2017.
I felt that now was the right time for me to have another reading, and to gauge whether or not I was honoring the Pizazz News objective.
This is the section that has contributed to my angst;
“It doesn’t serve me or anyone else to wallow in my self-pity or spread my negative vibes…”
I have been wallowing in self-pity since my mother died this year. She passed away on the 5th June 2018. At the time of writing the objective I had not been intimately acquainted with death. If you have read some of my articles about this event you will get an idea of what I have been experiencing in regards to my mother’s death.
I don’t have a fetish to wallow in self-pity. Self-pity doesn’t feel good, and when you don’t feel good, it can be very challenging, no scrap that, ASTRONOMICALLY challenging, to do the day to day things we humans can do to help ourselves and to be of service to others in a beneficial way.
I would be lying if I didn’t express what my real experience has been in respect to my mother’s death. I didn’t feel it was honest for me to write “happy”, or a positively motivated/inspirational article when it wasn’t the truth of just how wretched I felt.
So I decided to write the truth, even though I was aware of the tone I had already set for PIZAZZ NEWS.
What I have learnt about revealing my grief and sharing this real news, not fake news, with others, is that it has led to positive outcomes, despite my feelings. The luxury of writing is that no-one can see what a writer is actually feeling unless the writer chooses to express those sentiments convincingly through words.
It is possible for people to cry and mourn on the inside and reveal something completely different to the outside.
I still functioned with day to day living, worked on projects, and I did successfully complete my Law Degree on time, despite how I was really feeling, which was wretched. Wretched is the perfect word to describe what torture it is to feel sorrow and to carry on regardless.
In regards to the PIZAZZ NEWS Objective, do I need to revise it, amend it in some way, or does it still ring true?
I started to reflect on all of the interviews in PIZAZZ NEWS and I read more books. I opened up a new section in PIZAZZ NEWS to introduce those books. Reading is an instrument that provides the tools for the building of knowledge. Reading can silently ask us to consider different perspectives which can be life-changing. I am not even joking.
Each of those authors have written outstanding books, books that have assisted me, and will continue to assist me. Reading and thinking about the perspective an author is presenting can alter one’s mind and lead to new discoveries. This new learning is something I am actively building on in a very real and practical way. These are not fairy tale books these people have written but documented experiences. Non-fiction, real news.
I came to the realization that I need to amend the objective for PIZAZZ NEWS, there is one word which can improve the PIZAZZ NEWS objective and that word is endlessly:
“It doesn’t serve me or anyone else to [insert new word: endlessly] wallow in my self-pity or spread my negative vibes – and guess what? The same applies to you!!!”
Life just isn’t always a cabaret, old chum. Sometimes it sucks dogs balls so much, that you don’t even know who you are anymore because you have spontaneously transformed into an ugly, screaming, weeping, mad woman who didn’t remember that the only reason she went to the shops was to get 2 things, bread and milk, and she returned home with a pile of inedible shit.
Shitty things are bound to happen whether we intend for it to happen or not. Case in point, my 24 hours of writing this article, losing the article, and rewriting it with 3 hours to the deadline. Guess what everybody? I am not even clock watching right now because sometimes the universe just works in its own funky and mysterious ways.
We are allowed, and should, just take a break and have a melt-down or get an adjournment to buy ourselves some time, to pull ourselves together so we don’t end up with a Law Degree but incapable of remembering to buy 2 things.
We are humans not robots. Sometimes we have raging and wounded hearts, sometimes things like Microsoft shenanigans happen, or our laptop overheats from overuse, and we need to stop, whether we want to or not, because that is all just part of the JOY of Universal Shenanigans. We can’t control everything. So I am inserting the word “endlessly” in the PIZAZZ NEWS OBJECTIVE, because time is one way to consider how long we can allow something shitty to go on for, like wallowing, but at the same time, wallowing and wailing is just another part of life, so it exists, and has to therefore be considered alongside Positive Thinking, or else it becomes fake news.
In wrapping up this article, I want to thank every single person who has collaborated with me on the magnificence that is known globally as PIZAZZ NEWS. You all inspire me and I am grateful you have taken the risk to share your stories and life/or near death/possible death experiences with me and the universe. You are all truly amazing people and I express this sentiment sincerely.
Thank-you to the people who read PIZAZZ NEWS, you obviously have very good taste or have skipped the more offensive parts, or you go straight to the offensive parts.
In no particular order of amazingness, I would like to express gratitude to the following people who have inspired me tremendously;
Miss Barbara Jemec
The Boobe Sisters
DJ Marcus iLL
Cat & Bex
Much Love, Much Gratitude, and Many Blessings,